Sunday, September 22, 2013

And I still got the white man's hand around my neck choking the life out of me

Feeling tired and overwhelmed, I layed down to nap.  My neck has been swelling again.  It's hard to tell why.  I suspect it's a combination of missing the healthy eating habits I developed living so close to whole foods, stress and a break from my routine.  There's so many factors to consider.  As I slept I dreamed of being processed into a jail.  The feelings of helplessness I learned in juvenile lockup return in moments like this.  I feel an epic depression seize me.  My sister is there but she can't touch me, can't move my captors with her love for me or her sense of impending doom her baby brother is facing.  I'm shackled and in chains and handcuffs.  they're moving me from a tiny room to a small room.  There's tears in my eyes and I see a box of tissues.  I reach for one and the guard grabs me by my throat.  Choking me, he lifts my body off the ground and pins me to the wall.  He's squeezing my throat tighter and tighter.  I black out.  When I open my eyes again I'm laying on the floor some distance away from where I remember being.  I'm trying to stand.  The guard is on his way toward me from across the room which is bigger now.  I'm struggling to see what's around me because my vision is blurry.  Two other guards are talking about me but I can't see them.  One is telling the other that I was smuggling contraband into the jail as I was being processed for some meaningless legal code.  The guard coming toward me is almost upon me.  He could be a red headed santa clause if he wasn't wearing a CO uniform.  He's got me off my feet again choking.  I'm blacking out and all I'm aware of is how much my throat hurts.  I wake up realizing it's all a dream.  I still feel the white man's hand around my throat.  This time it's cancer and I'm awake seeing clearly.  I realize there's always a white man's hands around my neck choking the life out of me.  In Nigeria chevron causes civil war to get the petroleum damn near free... In Richmond they cause cancer, leukemia, lupus, sickle cell and asthma, regulation free as they process what they killed Nigerians to get to.  What can I do about it?  I can but try to survive.  I feel tiny compared to the oceans of blood flowing in Afrika